


Why would I want to be cold?

by lauren_henge



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, F/F, It all works out okay, Snow Day, but not too angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 04:02:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17759405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lauren_henge/pseuds/lauren_henge
Summary: A frosty morning for Charity and Vanessa, in more ways than one





	Why would I want to be cold?

**Author's Note:**

> Just a cheeky one shot about a snow day in the Dales. Not sure about it mind but it has been in my folder for weeks and needs to be gone so enjoy, I hope :)

“Charity Dingle! If you are not downstairs in two minutes you have no idea the sort of hell I am going to rain down on you!” Vanessa yelled and made a point of slamming the living room door of the pub as she emerged from the stairwell. Charity was being more useless and unhelpful than the kids this morning, and that’s saying something considering she has already had to dress Moses twice due to a cereal incident, tear the living room apart looking for a yellow wellie that Johnny insisted on wearing, despite owning more than five pairs of the bloody things. Noah had surprisingly been the only easy one to deal with the morning, mind you he was now just slumped on the sofa, buried in his phone, oblivious to the carnage of the morning around him. Charity, however, her insanely gorgeous yet completely infruitating wife had been an absolute pain in the arse to get up and ready today. She has been outright refusing to move from bed, claiming it was criminal for anyone to leave the warmth of the duvet when it’s snowing outside. But she promised sledging with the boys today, and Vanessa was goddamn sure she was gonna make her live up to her word. 

“Excellent. It’s like the Antarctic outside and I got a grouchy wife inside. What a time to be alive, eh boys?” Charity strolled slowly into the chaos of the living room, running her hand through Noah’s hair as she walked round the back of the couch towards the kitchen, causing him to grumble at her and smooth it back into place. Her eyes immediately clocked the cup of tea waiting for her on the kitchen counter, but grimaced when she took a sip only to discover it to be cold. 

“Do we not actually boil the water anymore?” Charity chucked the offending mug of tea down the sink, flicking the kettle on again to make her own drink this time. Vanessa always makes them too weak, anyways. 

“Funnily enough, Charity, when you leave a brew on the side for a hour and a half, it does tend to go cold.” Vanessa snaps back at the taller blonde. She didn’t want to bicker today, but she also was not in the mood to pander to Charity acting like a child either. The vet continued to fuss over the boys, before rolling her eyes again at Charity. 

“Please don’t put the kettle on now we are meant to be leaving in a few minutes.” A sigh escaped her lips, she was already exhausted and it wasn’t even ten in the morning yet. 

“Ness, babe, please will you chill out for just 2 bloomin’ minutes? It’s not like we have an appointment to go freeze to death outside. We can go anytime of the day. And if you think for one minute I am going out there without a brew down me neck, then you don’t know me at all, babe.” She chuckled ever so slightly at herself, pouring the hot water into her mug while ignoring the expression across Vanessa’s face. Charity knew she was being difficult, but today she didn’t care. She hated the snow, she always has. She had never had to deal with it really before this year. Moses would go out playing with Ross and Noah didn’t need his mum accompanying him on snowball fights. But no, this year Little Miss Sunshine had to come and ruin it. 

“I would like to go sooner rather than later, Charity. Before the whole place turns into a field of slush and ice and there’s no snow to sledge on anyways. You promised the boys not me!” Vanessa was right about that one. Charity had promised. Last night when the flakes started to coat the ground, all the boys would do is sit by the window, squealing in excitement, and there was no other way of getting them into bed. If we get into bed and sleep now, we can go out and play in the snow tomorrow! Yeah we’ll go sledging, how does that sound? It got them settled in a flash that Charity was almost too proud of herself, plus she was rewarded with a peaceful evening with Ness, who apparently has woken up on the wrong side of the bed today. 

“Alright fine! Give me two bloody minutes then!” The landlady pulled a travel mug out of the cupboard and poured her newly made tea into it, so she could bring her tea along with them. Vanessa shook her head, wrangling coats and hats onto the boys. Irritation was stamped across her features and Charity knew it. Vanessa hated bickering in front of the boys, and usually ended up keeping her lips shut until they were out of earshot. It was only when Vanessa was properly grumpy that she wouldn’t. She really did not want to deal with Vanessa’s moods today, but mind you, she doubted Vanessa wanted to deal with hers either. This wasn’t them. They didn’t have these mornings of arguing and fighting each other. But every now and again, once in a blue moon almost, they had mornings like this. Only ever the morning, they’d have talked and made up by the evening but today seemed particularly frosty.

***

It didn’t take long for the family to walk up to the great sledging spots on the outskirts of the village, perks of living in the Dales. The focus remained on the boys, tumbling about in the white snow that led upon the hills. Noah had taken off to hang out with Sam, under the strict instructions to come home to warm up at some point, to make sure he didn’t freeze his fingers off. Despite both Vanessa and Charity putting on a smile for the boys, they weren’t talking. Both knew as well as the other that they were just being petty, but something nibbled at Vanessa’s thoughts that something wasn’t quite right here. There was more to this than Charity just being moody. She just couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Eyefully watching the two younger boys wrestle with the snow to make a snowman, Vanessa links an arm through the the taller blondes arm, gently pulling her closer. A peace offering. A white flag almost. 

“You still hating the snow day as much as that face says you are?” Her voice is gentle, she doesn’t want to argue, as much as she tried to suppress her own agitation. 

“Right back at you there, babe. I reckon you might be beating me at playing Ice Queen today, Ness.” Charity drank back the last of her tea in her mug, letting her unoccupied arm dangle by her side. She didn’t look down at Vanessa, whose focus that was once on the boys, was now on Charity. 

“An’ what’s that supposed to mean, huh?”

“You’ve been the one acting like a mard arse all morning, Ness. Not me.”

“You’ve been the one acting like a child all morning, Charity. Not me.” Vanessa mirrored her, angered even more than before. She turned her head back to the boys, playfully throwing snow at one another. 

“Oh sorry, Vanessa. For being yet another person you need to look after. Oh wait, no. I mean sorry for being another person you insist on bossing about.” Charity pulled her arm away from Vanessa’s, tucking her hand into a pocket. This wasn’t about being bossed about by Vanessa, not in the slightest. It doesn’t bother her at all, but it is Charity’s go-to reason for an argument when she doesn’t want to talk, when she wants to hide. She knows it drives Vanessa crazy, and it’s beyond simple to kiss and make-up when she’s out of her mood. But today, no, she does not want to play Jeremy Kyle talking about her feelings with Vanessa. 

“You have got to be joking. We are not doing this again, Charity. I am fed up of having the same argument. You are an adult. A grown-up person who can do as she pleases. I am not here to control you, you know that. How many times do we have to do this, hey?” Vanessa started harshly, and ended much softer, reaching out to touch the arm that was tugged away from her, only for it to move further away again. 

“Whatever, Vanessa. I get it. Just leave it out, yeah?” The landlady turned and stomped away in the snow, back home, in the warm. Charity was drained. How could she feel so exhausted from just being outside with her family? No, it was more than that. This drained her. Playing all happy when inside her chest thumped and stomach knotted at grim memories that haunted her body and poisoned her head. Charity didn’t look back as she left Vanessa with the boys. They didn’t need her there anyway. 

***

When Vanessa returned, clutching both the young boys in tow, she had hoped to poke her head round the door to see her girlfriend. She wasn’t shocked though to see the living room empty as they arrived back. She shuffled the boys inside, fetching them lunch and clean, dry clothes. Vanessa fussed about with menial chores while the boys watched TV and kept each other company. 

She wasn’t stupid, she knew Charity. She knew Charity better than Charity thought she did. She knew when she was avoiding her, she knew when she was hurting, and she knew when it was herself in the wrong. What Vanessa didn’t always know, was how to help, how to make things better. Even though they were married now, all those times Vanessa messed up in the past, broke her trust, she never knew what to do next. Charity hated talking about her feelings, despite Vanessa ever so slightly chipping away at the wall she had built, Charity only ever let Vanessa over that wall when she wanted to. 

It didn’t take long for the toddlers to drift off to sleep on the living room sofa, clutching onto a toy or a blanket. They had had a busy morning, and their nap time allowed Vanessa to finally check up on her other half. After gently piling the boys into bed for their snooze, Vanessa padded quietly across the landing towards their bedroom. She hesitated slightly, before edging through the door, and sitting quietly on the edge of the bed where Charity was curled up, facing away from her. Vanessa could feel that she was awake, she could feel the tension in Charity’s body without even touching her. 

“I’m not gonna do the small talk, Charity. Tell me what’s wrong. Talk to me.” Vanessa knew better than to start off with the small talk, Charity hated it and it never got her anywhere. It was always better to jump into the deep end, even if Vanessa wasn’t ready for the jump. 

“Nothing to talk about babe, I’m cold and--” 

“Charity, please.” The vet interrupted, not taking any excuses. She did all that this morning. “I know you’re upset and hurting about something but I can’t help you if I don’t know why you hurt.” Vanessa moved on the bed, lying down with her wife, cuddling into her back, thankful that the gesture wasn’t rejected. She softened her voice and spoke in a whisper. “I’ve always said, Charity. Don’t tell me you’re okay when you’re not.”

“Don’t think I am ridiculous, Ness.”

“I would never think that about something that has upset you, Charity.”

“It’s the snow.” It was barely a whisper, and she could have missed it. The snow? Vanessa sat up in bed, her hand on her girlfriends shoulder for support still. 

“The snow?”

“Yeah, the bloody snow.” Charity sighed and sat up with Vanessa. Her eyes looked tired and ached with a blotchy red shadow. Vanessa felt guilt drop into her stomach, she had wanted to give her space, thinking she had been in a mood, but no Charity has been up here crying. 

“Look, when I was younger and on the streets, yeah? It would get so cold and I got so scared for myself the minute I saw a bloody snowflake hit the ground. I would have to try so hard, fighting with the other girls just to find somewhere out the bloody snow and it was horrible. I just don’t understand why people would want to go and be cold, when all I ever wanted back then was a bit of warmth, you know?” Charity looked down at her hands in her lap while she spoke, twiddling her thumbs to distract her. 

“Charity, I am so sorry.” Charity looks up at her about to argue her pity, surely Vanessa knew better than that? “No, I mean I am sorry for making you go out today. I didn’t think, did I? I just thought you were in a shitty mood and you suggested it to the boys I didn’t know you felt like this, Charity.” Their hands intertwined between them, to support them both. They both needed it.

“Bloomin’ stupid on my part to say it to the boys, really. They just looked so excited and I didn’t have the heart to say no, did I? But no, now I’m just the shitty mother who won’t take the kids to play in the snow.” Charity let go of her wife and stood in a huff, walking to look out the window at the falling flakes. 

“Charity, don’t talk nonsense. You are not a bad mother. You promised you would go out, even though you hate the stuff and you did come with us, and the boys know that. They see that. You only left because I was being an arse and I know that.” Vanessa stood behind her girlfriend, gently wrapping her arms around her stomach, holding her close. “Don’t beat yourself up over this. I am sorry, I didn’t mean to push you into something you didn’t want to do.” Charity turns away from the window and towards the smaller blonde. 

“You don’t have to be sorry, I know you were doing best by the boys.”

“But I want to do best by you too, Charity, by all of you.”

“Yeah?”

“Course I do, you daft mare. Just making memories with the boys is all, and…” Vanessa takes her hands in the barmaids softly. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to make some new snow memories with you in all. Better ones. Happy ones.”

“Well.” Charity grew a grin across her face. “Can’t say no to that now, can I?” She was met by a warm smile back from Vanessa, as they held each other close again. It would be alright, they had each other now. Vanessa can fix anything, even you. Charity didn’t need to think about the past anymore, her future was right there in her arms. 

Now each year, Charity Dingle loves the snow.

**Author's Note:**

> All feedback very very much welcome, and hmu and we can chat about Emmerdale :)


End file.
